The Thought of Dating...

As you know I recently became single (about four months ago now), I had been with my ex for 9 years, we get together when we were 16. My dating experience before I started seeing him doesn't really have much to it. A couple of bad dates, some guys who were just like friends as opposed to a boyfriend, one nasty guy who I don't want to remember in a hurry and then one guy who I saw for a few months. I liked the guy and can't really remember the reason for breaking things off (it was a long time ago) but I got my friend to do it for me and to this day I regret the way it happened. He was a nice guy and he didn't deserve it at all, but I was young and naive and know a lot better now, not that that excuses what I did.

Anyway, it occurred to me that (unless I want to just grow old with loads of pets and become a crazy dog lady) eventually I'd have to go out to meet guys and go on actual dates...

Now I'm a very social person, I frequently attend Comic Conventions and meet loads of new people, making friends very easily and even going out with them for food or drinks afterwards. But that's a whole different kettle of fish! If I'm around someone I find attractive (unless I'm already pretty comfortable with them) then I become very nervous, completely aware of myself, I fidget, have to be doing something with my hands, picking at a beer bottle or faffing with a napkin. I'm an over thinker and my mind goes a bit mad!

I've also never actually been asked on a "proper" first date. Like, going out for a meal or drinks and talking to just each other, discovering who this person is and whether they are compatible enough with you to want to spend more time with them.

The whole ordeal, to me, seems to be a mass of excitement, awkwardness and terror rolled into one, although more of the latter two! The build up to it, I imagine, is just spending a lot of time worrying! What will they be like? Will we have anything to talk about? What if I can't find anything to wear? Will I be my usual clumsy self and spill something/trip over/etc. like I have a tenancy to do?

In truth, it really scares me, it's possible that once I've had a date or two I may feel differently but until then it's just the unknown... maybe I'd be better off with just the dogs...

xXx

A New Start...

So...

The last time you heard from me I was engaged, living with my fiancée, planning a wedding and complaining about being asked when we were going to have kids. A lot has changed for me since then, some good and some bad.

The last six months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I had been wrestling with some personal demons and it all peaked for me in July (had been going on for a while before then, not entirely sure when it started) and then me and my fiancée broke up in August. It's not something I'm going to go into right now, I may do at a later date but I'm not sure yet.

So at 25 I moved back in with my parents, I love being back home (although sometimes feel like I get a bit in the way, mainly with how much stuff I have haha) but I'm hoping to get my own place within the next year or two. I know I want to move away, not entirely sure where to or even how far away but it's something I'm looking into.

I started my own business, selling Younique cosmetics and skin care products, it's going remarkably well, better than I could have imagined and I can't wait to see where I am in just a year with it! Through it I have met some amazing and inspirational people and I can't wait to spend more time with them all. My confidence has grown tenfold and I now wear make-up daily and am dressing a lot nicer.

My weight has increased, I was doing very well with my weight loss and Slimming World but have lost my way with it. I am still going to the meetings, I fear that if I stopped completely then my weight would just balloon and I'd lose interest completely. Currently it doesn't bother me too much that I have put weight on but I don't want to get much bigger really.

As can be expected when going through a big life change I go through periods of heightened emotions, both good and bad. Most days are good but I still get really bad days, days when all I want to do is lock myself away and sleep. I feel that I am a lot more emotional now, I certainly cry more which is not a bad thing.

The last week has been very hard. We had some bad news in the family last Tuesday and since then my head has just been a wreck. It's brought a lot of bad memories and thoughts to the surface for me and through that I've had a lot to think about.

I think going through stuff like that does that to you though, makes you re-evaluate, consider where you are in your life and what things you really want in the future. It certainly has with me. Spent a lot of time thinking about the future and what I want for myself, it's scary and exciting having no idea where you're life might be in a year or two. Plus I'm an over thinker which never helps!

Anyway, bit of a long post but a lot to cover! Thanks for reading!

xXx

Everyone is having babies!

Hello!

So I'm currently at an exciting stage in my life, I'm planning a very big day, our wedding! But everyone I speak to seems to be asking me when we're going to start having kids, which bugs me a little. I'm only 24 and most of my friends are a similar age, I have three close friends who are all already married and have all started having kids. 

One has a little girl who is around a year and 5 months now and she is trying for her second baby, another has a little girls who is now around 3 months and the last is pregnant (after trying for almost a year) and is about 12 weeks into her pregnancy.

That's great for them, they're all happy and it's where they want to be in their lives. Me and my fiancée have done things a bit later than all of our friends (like moving out, getting engaged, getting married, etc.) for various reasons. He went to university straight from college and then managed to get a job almost as soon as he left, we then saved for a few years before buying our house which is why we've ended up doing things later. But life isn't a competition, you do things in your life when the time is right for you.

Now I'm not saying that I think you should be married before you have kids, things are very different now than what they were like even 20/30 years ago and most couples are having kids without even considering getting married, so long as they're in a loving and happy home that's all that matters. But as we are now planning our wedding we want to have that first before we even think about having kids!

For us at the moment we're just not ready to be parents yet. We know how big of a change it makes to your life, financially, emotionally and you're relied on by this little person who is completely helpless without you. We definitely want kids, just not anytime soon, there is so much we want to do before embarking on that adventure! 

We have the house and garden to finish, the wedding to pay for (and enjoy), holidays away in our caravan (we got it later last year and have only been able to use it once so far!) and just generally enjoying spending time together as a couple before we become a family. We've also talked about it and as long as we're financially able then, when we do have kids, I will be finishing work to be a stay at home parent. Currently I absolutely love my job and I'm not quite ready to give it up just yet!

xXx

Slimming World

Hello!

So for my first proper post I thought I would talk about Slimming World, it's something that has been a big part of my life and so I thought I'd share my journey with you and let you know what it's all about, for anyone who's not quite sure. 

The first thing about it that I think is very important and that you should definitely know about SW is that it is not a diet, it is not some easy fix to lose weight quickly without effort. It is a lifestyle change that teaches you about the importance of balanced nutrition that helps you to lose weight and then maintain to your target weight. 

Now, weight is something I have struggled with for a long time, this isn't the first time that I have been a member of SW but I'm hoping it's the last.  The first time I joined I did very well, I got all the way to my club 10 award (which is losing 10% of your body weight) and then, for various reasons, I ended up putting it all back on. I then joined on and off for a few years but really my heart wasn't in it and I think I thought that if I joined I'd be motivated to follow it properly but, of course, that didn't happen. 

I'd been having some tests done on my liver and my doctor mentioned that it could be fatty liver disease, which shocked me and I made the decision then and there to go back to SW but this time I was determined not to let anything stop me. My health should be a priority and that was back in June 2014.

 Since then I have lost 2 stone and I'm feeling much better within myself and have even started being more active. I'm feeling more confident and have started wearing makeup and nicer clothes!

The plan itself is very easy to follow, I'm not going to go into loads of detail as I'm not a SW consultant and you can find a lot of the basic information (as well as some sample menu plans) on their website, so go and check that out if you want to see what it's all about! :)

Tomorrow (Wednesday) is my day for group, which I love, I thrive on the group support and don't think I'd be doing as well if I was doing it alone; my consultant is amazing and I don't know where I'd be without her! I am getting closer to my target weight and will update as I go. Let me know if you'd be interested in a post about some of the different meals and snacks I have, as that might be something to do in the future!

Thanks for reading!

xXx