The Thought of Dating...

As you know I recently became single (about four months ago now), I had been with my ex for 9 years, we get together when we were 16. My dating experience before I started seeing him doesn't really have much to it. A couple of bad dates, some guys who were just like friends as opposed to a boyfriend, one nasty guy who I don't want to remember in a hurry and then one guy who I saw for a few months. I liked the guy and can't really remember the reason for breaking things off (it was a long time ago) but I got my friend to do it for me and to this day I regret the way it happened. He was a nice guy and he didn't deserve it at all, but I was young and naive and know a lot better now, not that that excuses what I did.

Anyway, it occurred to me that (unless I want to just grow old with loads of pets and become a crazy dog lady) eventually I'd have to go out to meet guys and go on actual dates...

Now I'm a very social person, I frequently attend Comic Conventions and meet loads of new people, making friends very easily and even going out with them for food or drinks afterwards. But that's a whole different kettle of fish! If I'm around someone I find attractive (unless I'm already pretty comfortable with them) then I become very nervous, completely aware of myself, I fidget, have to be doing something with my hands, picking at a beer bottle or faffing with a napkin. I'm an over thinker and my mind goes a bit mad!

I've also never actually been asked on a "proper" first date. Like, going out for a meal or drinks and talking to just each other, discovering who this person is and whether they are compatible enough with you to want to spend more time with them.

The whole ordeal, to me, seems to be a mass of excitement, awkwardness and terror rolled into one, although more of the latter two! The build up to it, I imagine, is just spending a lot of time worrying! What will they be like? Will we have anything to talk about? What if I can't find anything to wear? Will I be my usual clumsy self and spill something/trip over/etc. like I have a tenancy to do?

In truth, it really scares me, it's possible that once I've had a date or two I may feel differently but until then it's just the unknown... maybe I'd be better off with just the dogs...

xXx

A New Start...

So...

The last time you heard from me I was engaged, living with my fiancée, planning a wedding and complaining about being asked when we were going to have kids. A lot has changed for me since then, some good and some bad.

The last six months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I had been wrestling with some personal demons and it all peaked for me in July (had been going on for a while before then, not entirely sure when it started) and then me and my fiancée broke up in August. It's not something I'm going to go into right now, I may do at a later date but I'm not sure yet.

So at 25 I moved back in with my parents, I love being back home (although sometimes feel like I get a bit in the way, mainly with how much stuff I have haha) but I'm hoping to get my own place within the next year or two. I know I want to move away, not entirely sure where to or even how far away but it's something I'm looking into.

I started my own business, selling Younique cosmetics and skin care products, it's going remarkably well, better than I could have imagined and I can't wait to see where I am in just a year with it! Through it I have met some amazing and inspirational people and I can't wait to spend more time with them all. My confidence has grown tenfold and I now wear make-up daily and am dressing a lot nicer.

My weight has increased, I was doing very well with my weight loss and Slimming World but have lost my way with it. I am still going to the meetings, I fear that if I stopped completely then my weight would just balloon and I'd lose interest completely. Currently it doesn't bother me too much that I have put weight on but I don't want to get much bigger really.

As can be expected when going through a big life change I go through periods of heightened emotions, both good and bad. Most days are good but I still get really bad days, days when all I want to do is lock myself away and sleep. I feel that I am a lot more emotional now, I certainly cry more which is not a bad thing.

The last week has been very hard. We had some bad news in the family last Tuesday and since then my head has just been a wreck. It's brought a lot of bad memories and thoughts to the surface for me and through that I've had a lot to think about.

I think going through stuff like that does that to you though, makes you re-evaluate, consider where you are in your life and what things you really want in the future. It certainly has with me. Spent a lot of time thinking about the future and what I want for myself, it's scary and exciting having no idea where you're life might be in a year or two. Plus I'm an over thinker which never helps!

Anyway, bit of a long post but a lot to cover! Thanks for reading!

xXx

Everyone is having babies!

Hello!

So I'm currently at an exciting stage in my life, I'm planning a very big day, our wedding! But everyone I speak to seems to be asking me when we're going to start having kids, which bugs me a little. I'm only 24 and most of my friends are a similar age, I have three close friends who are all already married and have all started having kids. 

One has a little girl who is around a year and 5 months now and she is trying for her second baby, another has a little girls who is now around 3 months and the last is pregnant (after trying for almost a year) and is about 12 weeks into her pregnancy.

That's great for them, they're all happy and it's where they want to be in their lives. Me and my fiancée have done things a bit later than all of our friends (like moving out, getting engaged, getting married, etc.) for various reasons. He went to university straight from college and then managed to get a job almost as soon as he left, we then saved for a few years before buying our house which is why we've ended up doing things later. But life isn't a competition, you do things in your life when the time is right for you.

Now I'm not saying that I think you should be married before you have kids, things are very different now than what they were like even 20/30 years ago and most couples are having kids without even considering getting married, so long as they're in a loving and happy home that's all that matters. But as we are now planning our wedding we want to have that first before we even think about having kids!

For us at the moment we're just not ready to be parents yet. We know how big of a change it makes to your life, financially, emotionally and you're relied on by this little person who is completely helpless without you. We definitely want kids, just not anytime soon, there is so much we want to do before embarking on that adventure! 

We have the house and garden to finish, the wedding to pay for (and enjoy), holidays away in our caravan (we got it later last year and have only been able to use it once so far!) and just generally enjoying spending time together as a couple before we become a family. We've also talked about it and as long as we're financially able then, when we do have kids, I will be finishing work to be a stay at home parent. Currently I absolutely love my job and I'm not quite ready to give it up just yet!

xXx

April Favorites 2015!

Hello!

This year is flying over, I can't believe it's May already! I thought I would do a post detailing a few items that I have enjoyed using a lot this month, as I didn't start the blog that long ago I'm just going to do three items for this month, so here they are:

1 - Food Diary

I purchased this food diary from eBay, you can get food diary sheets from Slimming World for free but I am getting closer to my target and wanted to have them all in one place so I can look back on them. The main reason for this is once I'm at my target I can keep a record of the weeks that I've maintained my weight and what I did food and exercise wise that week. 

The diary I got is not an official one but it is laid out for people following SW, so it has space for your healthy extras, syns and free foods, as well as exercise and notes for the week; each week also features a menu planner and a weekly summary for the end of the week, which I love! In the front of the book there are pages for tracking your weight every week, body magic (exercise) awards, monthly measurements, before and after pictures and pages for your favorite recipes! I'm in love with it and have been filling it in religiously! This one will last a full year and I will definitely be purchasing one for next year!

2 - Sprinkle of Chatter

Sprinkle of Chatter is Louise Pentland's vlog channel and her secondary channel on YouTube, her primary channel is Sprinkle of Glitter which I also love, but lately I have found myself just watching my way through all of her old vlogs.

I find they're just easy to watch and it's been lovely watching her little girl going to Disney World and such as well as just seeing what Louise does day to day.

3 - Journal

I'd recently read "20 Things To Do When You're 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50" now I'm only 24 but after reading it I realised a lot of them were changed I was currently trying to make in my life anyway. One thing stuck out to me thought which was no. 18 Keep a Journal. It's something I've always wanted to do but I would normally start one and then only write in it once or twice and then just stop. When I was in TK Maxx at the weekend (haul post will follow soon!) for some home and wedding bits and I saw this lovely note book in amongst the book shelves.

After having a little look at the layout inside I decided it would be the perfect book to start my journal in. I've been doing well with it so far and it's nice to have a  private place to write your thoughts and just to vent when you feel like it!

Anyway that is my favorites for April! Thank you for reading and if you have any questions or comments then please leave them in the comment section below!

xXx

Lucky in Life?

A few months ago I had someone at work tell me how lucky I had been in life. She had been talking to me about the (what seemed like) mass of problems that she was going through and afterwards had asked about a few things in my life, such as my:

Weight-loss

Home

Fiancée

Wedding

Work

Life in general

I replied that they were all good, "You're so lucky, you have a perfect life" was her reply, I told her that no one was perfect and left it at that, but it's been repeatedly playing on my mind. I'm not saying I have a bad life, currently my life is very good, we all have ups and downs, good days and bad, but it felt like she seemed to think that everything had just been handed to me and that I'd never had to work at anything.

Me and my partner have been together for almost 9 years and have had some amazing times but also times when we felt overwhelmed and that we weren't going to last much longer. However we have worked at our relationship and have come out stronger for it. We have a wonderful house that we're hoping will last for most of our lives but in order to get this house we had to work hard and save for years just for the deposit.

My work is something I love but it's taken me a long time to get to the stage that I have and on the way I've had some jobs that I hated, one of which came close to driving me into depression. Even the amazing job that I not have has had it's bumps in the road, working 6 day weeks (which included 4 hours traveling a day) for a low wage, then having work to do at home on top of that, while hardly getting to see my partner, was extremely difficult and tiring but has all been worth it.

My weight is something I have a had years struggling with and I have let other people deter me instead of doing what was best for me. I'm finally in a place where I am making better, lifelong changes to my life for my health and I've never felt better!

The only thing I can say I was truly lucky to have in my life are the two amazing people that raised me to be the person I am today. I come from a very stable, loving and supportive home and couldn't imagine my life without my parents, they have done so much for me throughout my life and have always said that they don't care what I do in life, as long as I am happy, and that is what I am... Happy! 

Not lucky, just happy. 

If you can learn to be happy and appreciative with what you have in life then I believe you'll always feel lucky.

xXx

Slimming World

Hello!

So for my first proper post I thought I would talk about Slimming World, it's something that has been a big part of my life and so I thought I'd share my journey with you and let you know what it's all about, for anyone who's not quite sure. 

The first thing about it that I think is very important and that you should definitely know about SW is that it is not a diet, it is not some easy fix to lose weight quickly without effort. It is a lifestyle change that teaches you about the importance of balanced nutrition that helps you to lose weight and then maintain to your target weight. 

Now, weight is something I have struggled with for a long time, this isn't the first time that I have been a member of SW but I'm hoping it's the last.  The first time I joined I did very well, I got all the way to my club 10 award (which is losing 10% of your body weight) and then, for various reasons, I ended up putting it all back on. I then joined on and off for a few years but really my heart wasn't in it and I think I thought that if I joined I'd be motivated to follow it properly but, of course, that didn't happen. 

I'd been having some tests done on my liver and my doctor mentioned that it could be fatty liver disease, which shocked me and I made the decision then and there to go back to SW but this time I was determined not to let anything stop me. My health should be a priority and that was back in June 2014.

 Since then I have lost 2 stone and I'm feeling much better within myself and have even started being more active. I'm feeling more confident and have started wearing makeup and nicer clothes!

The plan itself is very easy to follow, I'm not going to go into loads of detail as I'm not a SW consultant and you can find a lot of the basic information (as well as some sample menu plans) on their website, so go and check that out if you want to see what it's all about! :)

Tomorrow (Wednesday) is my day for group, which I love, I thrive on the group support and don't think I'd be doing as well if I was doing it alone; my consultant is amazing and I don't know where I'd be without her! I am getting closer to my target weight and will update as I go. Let me know if you'd be interested in a post about some of the different meals and snacks I have, as that might be something to do in the future!

Thanks for reading!

xXx

A little bit about me and an introduction to this blog!

Hello all!

I'm Jess and welcome to my blog! I don't know if this will be of any interest to anyone but it's something I've always wanted to do and have decided yo just go for it! Writing is something that has always interested me but I've never been very good at it so I hope this isn't to bad!!! So I thought as an introduction I'd tell you a bit about myself (hopefully without too much rambling!) and just take it from there.

I am 24, work full-time with my father; me and my partner have been together for almost 9 years and recently (9 months ago) got engaged and so we're currently planning our wedding, so I will be posting updates on that. We moved into our first home almost 2 years ago, unfortunately there is still a lot to do in the house so I'll be posting about the house and garden.

I am also doing Slimming World and am getting close to my target so you can expect updates on that and soon will be going through all my clothes and replacing them with a new wardrobe (obviously a little bit at a time!) so there will be posts about clothes, make up, hauls etc. too.

I think that seems like enough for an introduction, thank you for reading and if you have any questions, leave them in the comments below!

xXx